Teaching Kids to Respect Their Coaches

Wouldn't it be great if all youth sport coaches were caring, knowledgeable, fun, positive and fair. Most youth coaches do not have all of these attribute and parents should not expect them to. Unfortunately, most youth coaches are often untrained, volunteer coaches that are parents of players on the team.

Often, youth coaches have a lasting influence on kids' lives, positive or negative. When kids have coaches that have all of the above desired characteristics, parents should feel extremely fortunate. With this in mind, the importance of coaches, even for very young children should not be underestimated.

More common, in youth sports, is having coaches who have a few of the above qualities. When coaches are deficient in some area, it is usually noticeable to parents and/or athletes. This is when problems often begin to arise in youth sports. When unhappiness begins to percolate amongst players, parents or both, negative feelings are created that lead to negative situations in youth sports. When unhappiness with youth coaching escalates, things often get out of hand and lead to unpleasant situations.

Unhappiness with a coach often is expressed when parents or young athletes begin to complain about coaches in front of each other, or to others. Before you know it, negativity seems to permeate everyone's attitude.

Positive parenting in sports is all about parents teaching their kids to respect their coaches, even when coaches have shortcomings. Additionally, allowing kids to "trash talk" their coach is not positive parenting. Bad mouthing a coach reflects badly on youth and on adults who allow it. The good news is that many of these escalating situations can be avoided. Parents who are aware of this bad mouthing and disrespect of coaches can and should put a stop to it before it gets out of hand.

This is not meant to say that some negative coaching situations do not exist, have merit or need parents' attention. Often, they may have a legitimate gripe, but the point is that parents should not put young athletes in the middle of it. There is no reason parents should allow their kids to disrespect their coach.

How to nip this type behavior in the bud:
1. Parents should have the perspective that volunteer coaches are just that and that coaches should be appreciated for donating their valuable time to help kids. Reminding their kids of the same is the first step to having kids respect coaches.
2. Parents should not expect coaches to be great communicators or have "expert" knowledge. Those type coaches are usually only found at the higher levels of sport.

3. Parents should understand that coaches are doing their best with the limited training they have.
4. Parents and athletes should give coaches time to prove themselves. First impressions are often wrong, and over time, everyone will begin to appreciate what their coach brings to the table.

Additionally, it is important that parents use negative coaching situations as teaching moments and not as totally negative experiences. Explaining to kids that they will encounter many types of influence in their lives, and not all good ones, but that it is important that they show adults respect through it all is positive parenting.

This also does not mean that parents should not talk with and listen to their child's concerns about their coach. Kids should be encouraged to express their feelings to their parents but also be encouraged to keep their concerns between parents and child. It serves no purpose to allow kids to be disrespectful towards authority figures and to bad mouth their coaches publicly.

More often than not, the child's concerns are just "kids being kids" and not very serious matters. Other times, it is a sign of a frustrated athlete. As long as a coach is not abusive in any way, parents should help kids deal with their concerns and, at the same time, encourage them to respect their coach.

Along the same lines, parents should keep any coaching concerns to themselves, not speak badly of the coach in front of their kids and show the appropriate respect, also. When parents state discontent about the coach, it gives kids the message that it is all right to bad-mouth the coach. Parents should keep negative comments about their kid's coach to themselves and address the coach with their concerns when they feel it is necessary.

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